STOP TRYING TO BE UNIQUE-
START BEING YOU!
I’ve seen this play out in my own life. Growing up, my family lived simply. As a child, I didn’t have any awareness that we weren’t keeping up with the latest trends or getting the newest things. And as I’ve become an adult, it doesn’t really bother me — in fact, I’m grateful. It never gave me that hunger for the latest fashion or trend. Of course, if I do fancy something new now and then, it’s simply because it brings me a bit of comfort or joy, or just makes life that much easier. If I choose to grow in a way that makes me a little more stylish or put-together, it’s not to impress anyone — it’s just a way of testing my own edges, discovering different sides of myself for myself.
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For me, it’s also about being comfortable with myself. I often remind clients: before we even get to “self-love” — which can feel like a huge leap — can we just be comfortable with ourselves? Can we sit with who we are, without berating ourselves for not fitting in? That, in itself, is powerful.
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Quite often, I see a lot of people exclaiming that 'I am unique!' That they are different! Them and us, well, we are not the same!
But as far as I see things, we are all already unique! We have our own personalities, own characteristics, own histories. We are already different. And, trying to be unique can be such a performance and have so much pressure, 'because I can't be like everyone else!'
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But instead of striving tirelessly to 'be unique', how about this... how about we try being authentic?
How about just being true to ourselves, without the need to shout it off the top of the rooftops for everyone to hear, as if we have some sort of point to make to people, who, in the end, by the way, are not even thinking that much about us! I mean, think about it... how much of your time is spent on thinking about other people?
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One way of being authentic means liking what you like, no matter how boring, how traditional, how old-fashioned it may seem. And doing so for no other reason than that, it makes you happy. Really happy. Not to set yourself apart. Not to prove something to other people. Not to play it safe. But because it makes you happy.
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Gabor Maté, a renowned physician and author known for his work on trauma, addiction, and the mind-body connection, speaks about the reality of many of us losing our authentic selves due to societal and relational pressures. He goes on to add that the more we lose touch with our authentic self, the more we experience inner conflict, emotional distress, and even physical illness — because we are living a life disconnected from who we truly are.
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'Can we just be comfortable with ourselves? Can we sit with who we are, without berating ourselves for not fitting in? That, in itself, is powerful.'
This idea of being comfortable with oneself reminds me of a pivotal scene in the movie Inside Out 2, where throughout the movie, Joy’s been really fixated on just focusing on the positive attributes of her person, Riley, while completely — literally — throwing away the negative experiences and the bad parts of Riley. In the end of the movie, she realizes that every single part and experience of her makes Riley who she is, and then there’s an acceptance. It builds up to the sense of self (which we’ll not get into here!) — showing everything about Riley: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And again, just being comfortable with that.
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Being authentic — let’s be honest — can be scary as well. It might mean going against people we’ve never gone against before. Saying “no.” Setting boundaries. Saying, “Actually, I don’t agree with you.” And that’s tough — especially when it’s with loved ones. Parents, spouses, children, siblings. It can feel dreading.
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Let’s face it — how many of us have quietly nodded in agreement, or gone along with something a loved one said, just to avoid seeming ungrateful, disloyal, or argumentative? And yet, deep down, we didn’t actually agree with them. That moment? That wasn’t authentic.​
'... that the more we lose touch with our authentic self, the more we experience inner conflict, emotional distress, and even physical illness — because we are living a life disconnected from who we truly are'.
What follows is that sinking feeling. That discomfort. It’s a sign that something wasn’t in alignment with our values. That sense of incongruence — a term popularised by Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology. In his work, congruence refers to the state of alignment between a person’s inner experience and their outward expression. Simply put, it’s when how you feel on the inside matches how you show up on the outside. And when that alignment is missing, it causes emotional distress. That little pit in your stomach? That’s your sign.
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So, let’s not focus on being unique.
Focus on being you.
Be in alignment with yourself.
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And ironically, being authentic allows you the uniqueness you were seeking in the first place!